News broke yesterday that the NBA, in a move designed to…well, I’m not really sure, will consider allowing Miami Heat and Brooklyn Nets players to wear nicknames on the backs of their jerseys in at least one of the four matchups between the teams this upcoming season. That means that at least one time this year, in a game that Knicks fans probably shouldn’t watch anyway for the betterment of their mental health, you’ll see “Shuttlesworth”, “King James”, “KG”, “The Truth” etc. (No word yet on if the league will allow “OLD JACKASS” on the back of Jason Terry’s jersey.)
So far it sounds as though only the Heat and Nets will do this, but we all know the sports world is a copycat one, so it’s safe to assume that other teams will look to follow suit. What might our beloved Knicks put on the backs of their jerseys? Here are a few suggestions.
Carmelo Anthony – “Melo” is I’m sure what he’d choose. But how about “SELFISH”, “I DON’T PASS” or “SCORING CHAMP (BECAUSE THAT’S ALL I CARE ABOUT)”? Much more accurate, right everybody?!
Amar’e Stoudemire – Conventional wisdom says “STAT”. However, given Stoudemire’s interest in his Jewish roots, it would be much cooler and probably more appropriate if he chose “נפגעברכיים רעות“.
J.R. Smith – This is one of those instances where the saying “the possibilities are endless” is accurate. Obviously, he could go with “Swish”, which is sort of his official team nickname. But we all know he should really go with “Pipe”, or the more cryptic yet just as effective “YTTGTP?”
Andrea Bargnani – “Soft”, “Bust”, “Allergic to Defense”, “Responsible For Every Loss” are the leaders in the clubhouse for the many Knicks fans who think acquiring Bargnani was the worst thing the Knicks franchise has ever done and will ever do, like, ever. “Change of Scenery”, “Pick and Pop Master”, “Underrated” and “FBI (Full Blooded Italian)” are those coming from the other end of spectrum, or, in the case of that last suggestion, Bensonhurst.
Raymond Felton – “Weight Watchers™ Works!” Might as well make an extra buck, no?
Tyson Chandler – The fact that I can’t come up with anything for him shows the vast lack of any nickname for Tyson Chandler. “Scraggly Beard”? “Loves2Yell”? “T-Chan”? T-Chan is an AWFUL nickname. Thank goodness nobody calls him T-Chan.
Pablo Prigioni – “Furtivo”.
Kenyon Martin – Another guy, like Melo and Stoudemire, who has a nickname already in place, so “K-Mart”. But to avoid confusion for those of us not close enough to the court to tell them apart, he should go with a big, bold, perhaps underlined “NOT CARMELO”. That would be much appreciated.
Iman Shumpert - “Shump” works, of course, but that’s just eliminating the last three letters of what’s already on the back of his jersey. That could happen if the Knicks’ equipment staff runs out of letters one day. But a man as creative as Iman can surely think of something more, er, creative than that, right?
Metta World Peace – Can we make this happen just to see what the hell Metta comes up with? He already did this once, basically, and came up with “World Peace”! Shouldn’t he be allowed to put a different name on the back of his jersey every single game? I could try and come up with suggestions, but they wouldn’t hold a candle to what he’d actually choose.
Tim Hardaway, Jr. - Anything is better on the back of a Knicks jersey than “Hardaway”. Except for Penny! I liked Knick Penny.
C.J. Leslie – “Happy2BeHere”.
Beno Udrih – “PUJIT”. Funny, too, because this might be what Clyde Frazier calls him anyway.
Have other, better ideas? I’m sure you do. Leave them in the comments or tweet us @TurnOnTheKnicks.